How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? Not Like This!

Howdy guys 'n' gals! (Actually, it's probably just gals but WTF).

Today I'm going to take my inspiration from Livvie (like I've never done that before!) and have a rant. Said rant shall be about the new series How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?. Prepare yourselves. This is going to be a long haul.

Firstly, when I heard they were going to do a series about Andrew Lloyd Webber finding a girl to play Maria in the new production of The Sound of Music, I was excited. "Yay! A new kind of Musicality!" I said (Musicality being a series about two years ago about finding five unknown people to star in a big West End musical for one night). Then I heard that it was going to be voted for by that most wonderful of peoples, the great British Public. "Oh crap," I thought. "What a sucky idea." You can't let the public vote for something like that! OK, Pop Idol, X Factor, etc. etc. is fine (albeit utter crap) because all the person is getting is a record deal (and money and a car and whatnot) and after one hit Number 1 song they will fizzle out like a snuffed candle. For this, they have to find someone to play a specific part, not just someone with talent, someone who will have to perform eight shows a week in front of two thousand people and carry the entire show on their shoulders. Now whose terrible idea was it to have the public choose who should play it? I wouldn't let the British public choose what I'm going to wear in the morning! That is Reason Why This Show Is Crap Number 1.

Next, those judges are awful. OK, John Barrowman is pretty good looking and very nice and extremely talented (have you heard him sing?). I like him. He's fine. Zoe Tyler, however, does not have a very attractive personality, is trying to be like Simon Cowell and... well, I just don't like her. I know they have to be tough, but you can be tough and supportive as well. The Musicality judges were an ideal example of this. And that guy David Ian... urgh. They say he's the most powerful man in theatre. I've never heard of him! What the heck has he done before? (and that's not sarcastic or anything, I actually want to know). And he's all slimy and... urgh.
Andrew Lloyd Webber is a good composer but he's a bit of a prick and he's just being used by the BBC. They keep going on about how he's a lord. For fuck's sake, thousands of people are lords, it doesn't mean he's that special. That is Reason Number 2.

Moving on, why do they keep getting those girls to sing pop songs??? HELLO, it's a role in a musical, not a record contract. In fact, I know why they do it, it's because they want to rope in lots of viewers (and younger viewers as well) who don't know/want to hear/care about songs from musicals. So they're trying to make it like Pop Idol/X Factor. I mean, with some of the girls, I think they're evry talented and all, but we've never heard them do a musical theatre song so I can't judge how they'd be is they played Maria. I knwo they want to see the girls be versatile and whatnot, but come on! One or two pop songs each is enough, surely. And so we have Reason Number 3.

Urgh, the BBC. I'm sorry, but I just don't like them (no offence to anyone working there, like Claire's mum, unless they're any sort of chief executive or commissioning editor, in which case screw you.) Have you SEEN those adverts they do now? Like the one which says 'Would you commission a sitcom by someone who had never directed, acted, written, or done anything else remotely worthwhile?' (or words to that effect) and then shows that clip from The Office that we've all seen about a million times, and then says 'This is what we do. Haha, aren't we so brilliant and amazing, the BBC.' How arrogant can you get? I know it's just years of bitterness haned down from by parents being turned down by the BBC whenever they propose anything the slightest bit arty or intellectual. Now, I know the BBC's programmes aren't as bad as ITV's, but at least ITV doesn't try to be all clever and posh. They just accept that they aren't. Aaaanyway, after that slight diversion, I hate how they put the programme together. They SO over-dramatise everything and just try to make it be like the other aforementioned singing contest shows. Reason Number 4.

The funny thing is, even though I can't stand how they do the show and put it together and everything, I'm still hooked by it. Livvie, which one do you like? Personally, I think Connie is miles better than all the others, she looks the part, she can act and sing brilliantly, basically, she's perfect. If I were casting it (and God, how I wish I was!) I'd choose her in a nanosecond, no question. She's the only one REMOTELY good enough. That said, all the girls are very talented and could all get parts in musicals, they just aren't right for this particular role.

So even though I can't stand the programme, I can't wait for it each Saturday night, even if it's just to scream at the TV for how badly they're doing it.

Talliestar xxx

P.S. For those of you who have never watched the show, or even heard of it, I'm sorry. This must have been very boring to read.